Love Languages

The Five Love Languages are:

• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Physical touch
• Acts of service
• Receiving gifts

These were coined in the 1992 book, ‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate’ by Gary Chapman. The book explains each of the love languages, and the importance of communicating your needs in relation to the particular languages, and understanding your partner’s preference for each. Generally, people have one strong preference, and enjoy a combination of the rest. The book outlines that the way your parents communicated their love to you when you were a child is often the most impactful on your own preference. When you have that ‘something is missing’ feeling in your relationships, it’s probably because your partner isn’t expressing their love to you in your preferred love language. If you don’t know which you prefer, it can be difficult to effectively communicate what you need. This also means that you probably haven’t effectively shown your love to your partner, friends or family in the ways that they prefer. You can also extend these ideas past your intimate partners and think about close friends and family. Understand what’s important to your best mates, your grandma and even your pets. 

This guy loves pets and treats above all else

Additionally, I believe there is another love language, which is a very intimate and real language shared between two people. Linguists refer to this language as an ecolect, ‘language particular to a household’ or an idiolect, ‘the speech habits peculiar to a particular person’ - or in this case, couples. In serious and special relationships there is a secret language formed as a combination of in-jokes, memories, stories, and unique experiences. This language forms an immensely close bond between two people. This language is the backbone of powerful relationships and one that transmutes beautifully over time as the relationship grows. Almost impossible to translate as an outsider, sincere and uncorrupted, these private languages are hard to describe, but easy to recognise. 

We are all in this together

I believe that this phenomenon is why reality TV has become so popular. You get an intimate insight into another person’s life. The way these shows are filmed can make you feel as if you were a real part of their family and friendship groups. You can find yourself with a profoundly private and personal understanding of these reality star’s lexicon. 

A real statue of Kim Kardashian

Unfortunately, it is the strength of these private languages that make break-ups, the addition of long distances, or the loss of a loved one so profoundly depressing times. As part of your identity formed a bond with this person, that part of you is now gone with them. Your sense of self is forever affected. It is important to reflect on our time with people and to remember our secret languages. Remember our funny sayings and private laughs. They are beautifully unique and should be cherished. There is a large graveyard of secret languages that are never spoken again. As humans, we can quickly go from strangers to friends, to best friends, to lovers, and back to strangers.