Improving trust through sleep

Nothing was better than a sleepover as a child. There was a feeling of real excitement before bunkering down with friends for the night. Of whispers and shared secrets told far past your bedtime. Hopeful discussions of past, present and future. The pure, unfiltered sharing of ideas between friends that only arise when most of the world is asleep. An amazing rite of passage that almost everyone experiences. Sharing a room with other humans, sleeping together in a symphony of dreams. As we get older we forget this experience, as late nights turn to a taxi or Uber ride home. We return to our own rooms, alone or with a single partner. We reach an age where the flame of excitement for a sleepover is extinguished. And with this, I believe a key part of our vulnerability between friends does too.

We can all remember this feeling

When we sleep, we are in our most vulnerable state. When you close your eyes you are vulnerable to attack, to cold, to death. When we share our rest with another, we build trust and connection. When we sleep soundly, we do so in the presence of protectors or providers. As children we sleep soundly in the presence of our parents. In kindergarten, lunchtime play is followed by nap time under the careful watch of those who guide our learning. And as we grow, we sleep soundly in the presence of trusted friends at a sleepover. In times of war, bonds between individuals are formed from shared values. But they are also formed from sleeping in large barracks and in tough fields. There is immense trust placed in those on watch, to protect the sleeping and alarm them of incoming threats. Those on watch allow the sleeping to feel safe, secure and protected.

Some people can fall asleep anywhere, anytime

In the developed world we have the luxury of multiple bedrooms. We lock ourselves away and sleep undisturbed. But in Eastern and African societies you often see extended families all sleeping in the same room. Sometimes even multiple families group together under the same roof. The group protects the group. Eastern and African societies place large emphasis on the importance of family values. Of importance to the tribe or to the town that they are born in. You can see it in the way they perceive each other and the world around them. Perhaps this is a reason why family values seem to be on the decline in western society, as we lock ourselves away and rely on ourselves for security.

Not sure sleep experts would say this is a good spinal position

I think we have become too comfortable sleeping alone. In that comfort, we have closed ourselves off to the world and to each other. Before couples break up they often sleep in separate rooms. This is a clear indicator that there is no trust, no connection. Those couples have forgotten how to be vulnerable with each other. Let me be clear, I am not suggesting we should all jump into bed with each other. What I am suggesting is that a holiday with friends or family that involves sleeping under the stars, or bunked in a large lodge could do more benefit to the soul than the improved comfort of separate rooms. Share a laugh or a hopeful night-time whisper. Dream together. There is a pure, fundamental vulnerability that comes from falling asleep that should be shared with those you trust.