Motivation

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. When a friend asks for help to lose weight, do you take them to the gym? Send them some recipes? Do you hold their hand through the rest of their life? That’s clearly not sustainable for you or them. Just as you can’t make a horse drink, it is very hard to motivate someone to do something that they don’t really want to do. This is especially obvious if they’re asking for your help to find a shortcut, instead of putting in the obvious work required.

Not all horses want to drink water 

There are two main categories of motivation. There is internal motivation, hallmarked by unbreakable determination and will-power. It is what drives an individual when they are alone, and how they act when nobody else is looking. It is the most powerful type of motivation as it is free, unbending, and self-fulfilling. Internal motivation is what drives those at the top of their field to be better. It is the unwavering motivation that gets stuff done. The habits formed by internal motivation are long-lasting and steadfast. They hold up against scrutiny and fear. When an individual is internally motivated, they are very hard to stop.

How far do you go to find the owner?

The other type of motivation is external motivation. This motivation is when you are guided by friends, family or foe to perform an action. It's showing up for a run because you don’t want to let your workout partner down. It’s taking out the bins or unstacking the dishwasher because your mum tells you too. It’s not understanding the why of the problem, and not believing in the strength of possible benefits. Actions under the spell of external motivation are often fleeting or half-hearted. Habits formed this way are the quickest to break down when challenged. Often, the only thing external motivation achieves is wasted time.

Not a happy camper

We must be mindful when our friends reach out for our assistance not to guide them down the path of external motivation. Instead, we should make them fall in love with what they are doing, and enable them to do it without our assistance. They should see us as the starting point for their self-guided learning. They may think we are being unhelpful, but in truth we are being more helpful than they could ever know. Our role is to set them on their journey, and give them ultimate responsibility. We should also reflect on our own motivators. Are some activities you participate in externally motivated when they really should be internally motivated? How can you rekindle your love for practices that are self-developing and self-loving. How can you be less reliant on others? Are you enabling yourself? Do you take ownership of your actions? Where you can, develop more internal motivation. Don’t waste your energy externally motivating friends. Instead, transform their ideology and give themselves accountability and fulfilment. Internal motivation is the most powerful motivation.